Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
