He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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