I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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