apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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