No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
