At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
