I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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