Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
