thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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