If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
