Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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