I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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