I'm so fucking centered right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
