At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
