You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
