He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
