i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
