Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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