I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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