I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Actions speak louder than pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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