you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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