wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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