You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
