Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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