we're chasing vodka with high fives
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
