Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
