Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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