THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
