I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
