Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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