I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
