I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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