There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
