I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
