i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
