im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
