Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
