Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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