No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
