Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
