Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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