Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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