I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
