she was so not down for the gang bang
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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