During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
