im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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