I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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