i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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