if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your penis caused this!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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