I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
