YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
