gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
