We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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