He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
