It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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