I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize