He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
