He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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