Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
