Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
