I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
