You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
