dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
