I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
