Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
