had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
