Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
