I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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