I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
