Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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