whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
