is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
