I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
