Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
