i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize