I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
