I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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