I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
