she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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