We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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